Blogging & The Baby

I think this is going to be my last post. I start typing out blogs but as I proofread them I realize they are poorly written and sound like a continuous stream of rambling thoughts.

I start these posts but never finish them and find myself rewriting them to the point that they turn into something I would turn in as a paper for my English Composition classes in college. The times I do manage to get a post actually posted, I've forced myself to just click the publish button, because I'm painfully aware that my posts are so deep that they need to have perfect grammar or punctuation or even make sense. However, I do get a sense of accomplishment when I click the spellcheck button and it finds no errors!!

Now onto the real reason for the post. I have long prayed that my child would not have all the faults that I have. I realize she is not going to be perfect and really don't expect it from her, but I do want her to be patient and kind. I want her to be friendly and not afraid and have the ability to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. It makes me sad how people have seemingly lost the ability to empathize with other people. I fall into this trap too, but I'm shocked at how little empathy people sometimes have.

I could go on and on about all the things I hope she is, but one of the traits I never had considered is sense of humor. I guess I want her to be funny. I honestly had never thought about it until Tuesday. Tuesday I picked up my 13 month old from my wife and headed home. We were in some traffic but nothing serious when she started coughing/choking on some snack she had. I encouraged her to keep coughing but after about 10 seconds her head fell to the side and she was motionless. I started yelling her name and trying to change lanes to get to the shoulder. All the while my yelling turned into screaming as eternity ticked by like a kitchen clock whose battery needs replacing. The baby was motionless the entire time. No movement. Nothing. Not a toe wiggle, not a head bob or finger movement and since she faces the rear and those stupid car seats are made to provide head support like a race car seat does I couldn't see her face.

Just as I put the car in park on the side of the highway to jump into action, my child lifts her head and gives me one of the most angering smiles I've ever seen. At that moment so many thoughts hit me I was overwhelmed and almost speechless. You could see in her eyes the intent to play a joke on me. I was so happy she was alright after at least 10-15 seconds of scary thoughts rushing through my mind that I ignored the thoughts of strangling her for doing that to me. At the same time I was processing through the ideas that she was capable of pulling off a stunt like that. She was only 13months old!!! How, where did she come up with that plan, ploy or possibly better described as EVIL PLAN!!! The thoughts progressed further to wonder if she was capable of these things now, what more when she is is older?!

I thought and thought and realized we play a game where the baby rescues daddy as he lays on the floor motionless and the baby crawls over and rescues daddy. It occurred to me that she had learned to do that from ME!! "NO", I thought! She was doing exactly what I didn't want her to do, learn my bad habits.