About 5 months ago we had some friends, who had a 20 month old, over for dinner. We've always enjoyed their company and like meeting for dinner every once in a while. This particular day I was shocked at how their sweet darling child, a girl who was always an angel, had turned into this mean kid. I thought to myself, "Oh man am I glad our kid is not in day care!" She was defiant, she was selfish and she had a blatant disregard for my sweet darling child. Our kid does go to church 2-3 times per week so she does get interaction with other kids but it is church so obviously it is better than regular day care. (said sarcastically)
I should say that two or three weeks later we had brunch with this same family and their daughter started reading a book at the table. My sweet darling child saw this book and wanted a book of her own. We told her she couldn't have that book and we didn't have a book so she would just have to wait until this other girl was done. As she began to cry because she wanted a book our friends' little girl handed over her book it a great demonstration of empathy, and the crying stopped and my sweet darling child signed thank you. All the parents at the table were SOO proud.
Just to forewarn you, I am building up to my point by trying to make my child look better so when you read what my post is about you don't think she's a monster and that we are a artsy fartsy. You have read that I was a race car driver right?
MGM is really talking. She says 26 words that would be easily recognizable by strangers, plus a lot more that require mommy and daddy interpretation. She can count to 3, a trick we worked on for about 4 weeks after I saw my sisters two year old count. Who knows if she knows how to actually count but she counts objects to three. She loves to diaper, feed, bath and cradle her two baby dolls. Her favorite song is "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" which she will sing for you when she's not acting shy. So see she's smart and sweet, right? Oh, and we give her limits and do all the normal parent discipline things for a 17 month old that you would expect.
However, one of those 26 words that she says so well is, "NO!" I am sure you guessed it. As it turns out my sweet darling child is somewhat defiant. If she doesn't want to stop playing because it is time to eat she will say, "NO!" If she doesn't want you to kiss her or hug her she will say, "NO!" And sadly she'll push you or a person away as she's screaming NO! I am so glad that we had weeks upon weeks of her saying YES to everything because now it is all N-O, NO! And it is a very rude NO. It is the kind of embarrassing NO that when your parents hear it or GOD-FORBID receive it from my sweet darling child you cringe thinking in the back of your mind that they might think you don't discipline them correctly or you've spoiled them. Which causes another fear of mine to creep in, the dreaded grocery store fit. You know the one which involves a child flailing on the ground, kicking and screaming. Which almost happened but thankfully she hit her head on the floor and stopped. I'm praying against a case of the early terrible two's.
As a side note, it is very helpful that she can answer yes or no questions when she does.
So after much deliberating and talking and much praying my wife suggested something that sounded so ridiculous that I hoped it would not work because I honestly didn't want to do it. She learned it at a music class that MGM and my wife had attended earlier in November. It is artsy fartsy and seems like something you would do to Pavlov's dog, but it works SO well. It is actually bizarre how well it works, baffling really, but it works. All WE do is say in a chimey, singy, artsy fartsy voice, "Bum Bum." Said in a high note and then a low note. Bum Bum. It is like background noise, and she doesn't even know we're doing it but she stops whatever she's doing, without throwing a fit, without screaming NO, and just gets up and does whatever we're about to do. It is weird, but it works. Outside observers would think you're crazy, but it works! When you explain it to others they think you're no longer a cool race car driver mans man, but an artsy fartsy wanna be parent-child psychologist, BUT IT WORKS!!! And that's all I care about.
I'm sure it won't work forever, but having also been a high school teacher I wish I could have tried it on them because what if it does!?!?!
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Next thing you know, you'll be buying "Any Baby Can Read." Slippery slope...
ReplyDeleteYou know my sister bought that, and be it memorizing or magic or whatever. It does appear to work. Her son is just over two and he can pick out 4-5 words. After thinking about it and the article I sent you, I realized that at some level reading is recognizing memorized words.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's a matter of whether it "works" or not. I think the question is WHY would a parent want to teach a 2-year-old (or younger) to read? Toddlerhood is a time for little ones to learn by playing, to continue making attachments to their care takers, to explore a world where they feel secure and safe. If parents are plunking their kids down in front of videos and/or forcing them to sit and do book work in order to learn to read, those toddlers are missing out on the essentials of toddlerhood. Now if in their play they pick up books and ask to be taught to read -- great. It's by their initiative. But people who buy programs like this are most likely parents who are pushing their little ones with no real purpose. So what if your kid reads at 18 months? All studies show that teaching kids to read early puts them at no advantage of kids that read at age 5-6, and many studies show that you cause your child HARM by forcing them to do things for which they are not developmentally ready.
ReplyDeleteI will get off my soapbox now. I've recently read two books on this subject and think it's ridiculous the things that parents' will force their kid to do, mainly to feed their own wacky sense of competition with other parents. It's silly! :)
Well I can tell you that my sister is the model for unstructured learning. While she might have videos on or books available for him to watch or read if he asks she doesn't force him to "learn" anything. I honestly don't know if she forces him to do anything. My sister and her husband are pretty much fly by the seat of your pants people and that extends to their parenting style. With the exception of scheduling in the infant years. My sister who does probably 95% of the parenting doesn't have any competition portion in her. She probably would be much more successful in a lot of things if she did but that's how God made her which I have seen makes her perfect at relating to others.
ReplyDeleteAs far as reading at 18 months making them better than others. I think your arguement is skewed by the idea of competition. I really want Mayzie to ride a bike early because I love to ride my bike and can't wait to share the experience with her. She can ride and I can run or I can ride with her. It isn't so I can say to others look my child rides her bike. While there might be a lot of people who want their kid to read because of competition some people want their kid to read because reading is a tool to interact with their environment a different way.
I do wonder how many parents have that wacky sense of competition you have referred to now and in the past. In my entire life I can only think of two parents, in different families, who pushed their kids to do things because of a sense of competition. It was sad to see because no one was happy in the end.
Please don't feel like I was attacking your sister (I actually that you might be kidding when you said she bought that program), as I of course don't know her at all. That was not my intention at all.
ReplyDeleteI love reading more than most people I know and I of course hope my daughter will too one day. But that doesn't mean I'm going to force her or encourage her or spend my money to buy her the resources to do it herself at an early age. Why? Because studies show that it causes little kids harm to teach them things for which they aren't developmentally ready.
It sounds like you are waiting to teach Mayzie to ride her bike until she's READY, until she's hit certain physical developmental milestones. You aren't going to spend money on a gimic that promises to get Mayzie to ride her bike early, even though you love to ride your bike and want your daughter to be able to do the same. I would say parents should use that same common sense, not spend 100s of dollars on gimic-y reading programs, and teach their kids to read as they go. They most likely will have plenty of years to enjoy reading, no need to rush and risk doing permanent psychological and emotional damage.
I think most parents have a "wacky sense of competition." I know I often do, although by God's grace I hope and pray I don't act on it too often, and that my daughter doesn't feel it. It is definitely sin I deal with on a regular basis, as do many of my mommy friends.
I wasn't upset or anything, just wanted to make sure I accurately represented someone you didn't know.
ReplyDeleteI typed out a long response to your response but then I got bored with it.